How I've missed this mat and its reminders.
One month ago I started going to senior yoga. At 2 months post-op, it was my attempt to reintroduce the activity without letting myself push too hard. I needed a space that would help me be extra respectful of my body's whispered messages. During the first class, where chairs took the place of mats, there were moments of exasperation and embarrassment. "Everyone must think I don't belong here. They're right! I can do so much more than this!" I judged myself one moment, only to realize the next that a leg lift while sitting was the absolute push of my limits. I wasn't judging anyone else. In fact, gratitude exuded out to the people who surrounded me. So why wasn't I extending that to myself? Sometimes fear smothers love. Worry manifests as criticism. Lack of faith shows up as resistance to self-acceptance. Personally, I was terrified certain pains and weaknesses meant my body wasn't healing, and that maybe it never would. I wanted to force the changes I was desperate to see. But part of me had been fully conscious of all that. It's why I'd dipped a toe in, instead of diving into the high energy class I'd been used to before.I left that first class slowly, aching and feeling like I'd taken a step backward. I realized how right I had been to start there. It was perfect. And I loved it for the next month. Finally, a week ago I could hear my body whispering, "I feel stronger. I'm ready for a bit more. Let's try." So I dipped my toe in a bit deeper. I went back to my regular class. I modified for a bit, then did my own thing, and finally left a half hour into it. "Thanks for coming!" the instructor whispered enthusiastically as I quietly made my exit. I'd explained to her beforehand that I would probably leave early. "Listen to your body," she'd said. And I had. A week later I would amaze myself by making it through the entire class. I would find a deep pose that targeted the pain I'd been fearing. I would breathe and let go, knowing that if/when that pain returns I can find what it needs. I'm reminded of the blessing of yoga, no matter what it looks like when you come to it. Breathe & Be. #youarestrong 💖
